Can You Plan Your Wedding Without Upsetting Someone?

Sadly the answer to that question is probably no! There is nothing like a wedding to bring out the worst in people and inevitably everyone will have their own take on what you should be doing with your event. No matter what choices you make you will contrive to upset someone even if you adopt a diplomatic approach.


The Bridesmaids

In my experience it the bridesmaids who cause the most strife when it comes to organising a wedding. There is a limit to how many you can have for a start meaning that someone is going to get left out which can cause resentment. Friends can wonder why they were not chosen and the parents of children who get overlooked can be disgruntled too. On the basis that you will inevitably cause upset whatever you do the best way forward is to make the choices you want and then explain your reasons politely to those left out.

You may think your troubles are over once the bridesmaids have been selected but think again! You then have the mission of finding dresses for the girls which suit your plans but which also appeal to your attendants. Your favourite colours may meet with a frosty reception and the girls may feel that the dresses you like don’t flatter them. It is best to discuss your plans with the girls first and to introduce a little democracy to proceedings. It is your wedding but it is unreasonable to make people wear clothes which don’t suit them and which they do not like.

The Invites

Most brides are not in the happy position of having limitless budgets and so guest lists have to be planned carefully to restrict the numbers to what can be accommodated by the budget or the size of the venue. This means that some friends and relatives will be left high and dry or asked to attend without their partners and this can cause resentment and family rifts. Most brides will experience some degree of interference at this point as parents and other relatives will attempt to intervene. By all means listen to what they have to say as they may raise an issue that you hadn’t considered but at the end of the day it is the bride and groom who should make the required decisions, not their family.

The Seating Plan

Ok so you have chosen your guests but now you have to decide where to seat them. Trust me this is an impossible task to complete without causing disappointment. You can sit there for hours juggling the permutations but you will never achieve the perfect result. All you can do is attempt to ensure that the worst case scenarios are avoided by keeping those who really don’t get on apart. I have never bought into the idea that you should make each table a mixture of guests from each of the families. It is traditional to do this to prevent each side keeping themselves to themselves but I feel that putting people together who know and like each other is the best way forward.

The Details

When planning your wedding you have many details to attend to. Colour schemes, menus, cars, favours, flowers and decorative inflatables must be chosen and you can be sure that everyone involved in the wedding will have an opinion and often a different one to you! Listen to all the ideas as some may be good ones but ultimately the happy couple should make the final choices regardless of what others may think. The others can use their ideas for their own weddings and parties!

Whatever you do you will find it hard to please everyone so be strong but diplomatic and plan the wedding you want. It is not your fault if others are determined to be miserable and if anyone becomes too troublesome then exclude then from the plans!


Article by Sally Stacey